I love Creme Eggs, so I wrote a stupid letter to Cadbury.

s that time of year where Creme Eggs are on display at every shop and you can’t help but want to eat one after the other in a gooey feeding frenzy. Just me? Oops. I have one motto in life, and that is “don’t juggle with knives”. Wait, what? That isn’t it. I remember now, it’s “free food tastes better”. So I am determined to get some Creme Eggs, so did what I do best and wrote a stupid letter!

Here is my letter to Cadbury’s (click to enlarge):

And a close up of my egg-cellent drawings:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing regarding the promotional campaign that you ran for the Cadbury’s Creme Egg from the mid eighties until the mid noughties, asking the questions “how do you eat yours?”. I suppose you were not to know how this would explode into popular culture and the impact that it would have on the lives of simple men like myself.

Some people saw this question as jovial, imploring you to discuss with your friends how to eat the delicious egg-shaped treat. To me, it was a challenge. I count myself amongst a group calling ourselves the ‘Creme Eggers’. We egg each other on to eat copious amounts of Creme Eggs in increasingly more ambitious and dangerous circumstances in the spirit of simple one-upmanship.

This is where my complaint lies. Through trips to climb to the top of Mount Fuji, to diving to the depths of the Pacific, to sailing in treacherous weather to Easter Island, I have incurred costs of thousands of pounds in my ambition of eating a Creme Egg in the most extreme of circumstances, so that I could show “how I eat mine” in competition with other ‘Creme Eggers’, just as your advertising tells me I should.

I do not have any photographs of these expeditions, so I have drawn examples of these visits which I trust you will accept as full proof and I will not need to explain these further:

[Pictures]

I trust you appreciate that these endeavours are getting more and more intense and extreme, and I am concerned that I may be getting close to doing something stupid. For example, I am writing this letter on my smart phone whilst being lowered into an active volcano by a crane. It is only a matter of time before I push it too far. Whenever we out-do a fellow ‘Creme Egger’, our prize is a pack of 3 Creme Eggs. My proposed resolution is this: So that I no longer follow the instruction of the “how do you eat yours” promotion to its inevitable conclusion, I would instead accept compensation in the form of 3 Creme Eggs so that I do not have to go to these ridiculous lengths to impress the ‘Creme Eggers’, who I am starting t think are winding me up, as I have never seen proof of their endeavours.

I hope you can reply to me with haste, as I am planning a trip to eat Creme Eggs whilst covered in raw meat in a lion enclosure in the next two weeks and would rather not take this risk unnecessarily.

Yours sincerely,

Daniel

Fingers crossed I have some Creme Eggs coming my way! Do me proud, Cadbury!

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