I wrote a letter to McVitie’s because I had kittens when I saw their new advert.

kittenI think it’s safe to say that as a true Englishman, I take pride in my love for biscuits. This is why I was over the moon to be given an opportunity to write to McVitie’s (they better send vouchers!). According to their latest advertising, opening a packet of McVitie’s Chocolate Digestives is akin to opening a packet containing a group of small kittens.


Check out the advert:


Here is the letter I sent them today!:
micvities

Dear McVitie’s,

I suppose disappointed is a word I could use. Devastated is another contender. Betrayed is what I will settle for. These are the best words to describe my current state of mind following my recent purchase of a packet of McVitie’s Chocolate Digestives.

You may be aware of your recent advertising campaign (and if you are not I recommend you liaise with your marketing department), in which people open packets of McVitie’s Chocolate Digestives to find they are filled with cute kittens. It is this concept which has prompted me to write to you today with a complaint.

First I must give you some context. I am a big fan of kittens. Dogs I like; kittens I love. In a recent workplace quiz, my name was the answer to the question “who on our team loves cats?”. Controversially, I had to share this honour with another colleague, but I accept this is because I do not currently, nor have I ever, actually owned a cat. Or any pet for that matter.

I am sure you can imagine my excitement when I saw your recent advertisement, as I could finally live my lifelong dream of having my own kitten! Perhaps I could let it sit on my lap as I watched TV? Or even better – teach it to fight on my behalf like a Pokemon! Sadly, neither of these dreams were to come true.

When I picked up the packet of McVitie’s Chocolate Digestives in the supermarket, I was very careful to place it in my shopping trolley without shaking it or dropping it, so as not to disturb the tiny kittens inside. After buying my shop of McVitie’s Chocolate Digestive Kittens, cat food and catnip toys, I raced home to meet my new kitten, who I had already assigned the playful moniker of “Adolf Kitler”, which had come out on top over my other choice, “Chairman Meow”.

Imagine my shock and disappointment when I opened the packet to find it was not full of playful balls of fur, but in fact chocolate biscuits. I sat alone that night, clawing at my recently purchased cat toys, crying and eating fistfuls of Chocolate Digestives. You are lucky they taste delicious, else I would be even angrier.

I put it to you McVities that you have engaged in false advertising. If you would like to rectify this, I am happy to be filmed eating packets of McVitie’s Chocolate Digestives whilst browsing Facebook or watching episodes of Jeremy Kyle, as this would make a much more realistic advert for your product. Please feel free to contact me using the address on this letter with your inevitable offer of employment for the new advert.

Yours sincerely,

Daniel Goldswain

I’d be happy with a voucher for a kitten, but I’ll settle for some biscuits.