Innocent Drinks are known for writing the most random things on their labels, which is great for us because since starting this site, we spend lots of time reading packaging. Not because we are losers with too much spare time! It’s for our letters. I promise.
If you buy a bottle of Innocent Apple Juice, it tells you to write to them if you have anything juicy to tell them. Perhaps we took it a little too literally with our latest letter.
Click to enlarge!:
OMG, so I was like totally drinking some of your AMAZING apple juice and reading the bottle and it 100% says that if I have anything “juicy” to tell you then I should write to you and I totally do and you aren’t even going to believe it but it’s the truth I swear and I need your advice!
So you know my friend, Dan? He’s got ginger hair and works with me, but that’s not important, the important bit is that he’s married, right, and I think that his wife is pregnant because she’s got a bit of a belly on her, but I went to school with her and she was a little bit fat then so it might just be that she’s fat again but I couldn’t say for sure so let’s assume she’s preggers.
Anyway, so my other friend, Kayleigh – she works with us too, she’s alright but you wouldn’t want to mess with her or she’d probably nut you – she totally facies Dan but she wouldn’t ever admit it, right? But now everyone knows it’s true because she definitely snogged him at the work night out for Lee’s leaving do! I didn’t see it or anything but Frank said he did and that it happened and everyone trusts Frank because he never lied about anything before and he has a beard and a REALLY cute dog so he must be telling the truth.
Right, so we basically got Charlie to ask Kayleigh about it because they are like bezzies in the office, but Kayleigh just got really angry and told Charlie to go away and swore at her and stuff. That definitely means she did it, right? She totally wouldn’t get angry if it wasn’t true though. 100% wouldn’t.
But I haven’t told Dan’s wife yet because I don’t really know her anymore and she doesn’t pick him up from work or anything – but I know her best friend, Roslyn, because we went to school together as well and I don’t know if I should tell Roslyn or not and get her to tell Dan’s wife? What do you think?
It’s proper juicy though, right? I hope this is the type of thing you wanted us to write to you about? It’s great that you have this type of service; Charlie said you were just a fruit juice company and you wouldn’t care and that, but I’m not so sure because I’ve seen all those jogging bottoms with “Juicy” written on and they are definitely made by you as well. Charlie didn’t believe me about that so we had a bit of an argument and Melissa called us into the manager’s office to tell us off so I’m not really speaking to Charlie anymore.
Anyway, let me know what you think I should do, and I promise I will buy more of your apple juice! (I’m going to anyway because it’s lush and I love it!)
As Innocent Drinks are a company who have replaced their carpet with grass, I imagine they are ‘out-of-the-box thinkers’. Let’s see how that translates into their reply! Ball is in your court, Innocent.