If there is something we here at Stupid Stuff I Do are not, it is money-averse. So when we heard Facebook had bought WhatsApp for $16 billion (raising to $19 billion), we understandably wanted to get in on the action.
I mean, what does WhatsApp have that we don’t? Yeah, I guess millions of users, and multiple members of staff and experienced programmers and lots of other things. But anything important? I don’t think so! As well as buying WhatsApp, Facebook also bought Instagram for $1 billion, so they are clearly interested in expanding. Having checked their portfolio, it is clear Facebook don’t have a company which writes comedy letters to corporations, so we made our pitch and we are pretty confident in making the sale.
Dear Mr Zuckerberg,
I would like to state that I am a great admirer of your work and accomplishments, however today I write to you with a serious business proposal and intend to keep my correspondence formal. I trust you will agree that the proposition I am putting forward is very tempting indeed.
I am co-founder of an internet ‘start-up’ company named StupidStuffIDo.co.uk – I’m sure you’ve heard of us, as our site has been known to have as many as 1,000 visits per day. No doubt you are impressed by this fact but please be assured that we have remained humble in our new found success and remain very personable gentlemen.
Recent media coverage has followed your company’s acquisitions of Instagram and later WhatsApp, indicating to me that you are looking to acquire smaller companies in order that you might build on your successful Facebook site, thus leading to me offering you this further business venture.
Having discussed the future of our website with my co-founder Daniel, we have, with a heavy heart, decided that we may be willing to sell our site as long as we are happy that its future is in safe hands. I believe, Mr Zuckerberg, that you are the right man to take control of our site and lead it into the future.
For your consideration, we would be willing to accept an offer of £2,000,000,000 (two billion pounds sterling) to relinquish control and assets of our company to your care. I know this figure may seem high, but allow me to explain the formula we have used and why we feel this is excellent value for money:
- Firstly, as mentioned above, our site receives around 1,000 individual hits per day.
- Secondly, we believe it is fair to assume that the internet will be an ongoing entity, infinitely.
- Therefore, 1,000 individual visits x infinity = 1,000infinity individual visitors.
I have double checked the mathematics shown above and believe I have not made an error. We therefore believe that our site has the potential to reach 1,000infinity people in its lifetime and that the price of £2,000,000,000 (two billion pounds sterling) is a very cheap price to pay for a site with the potential magnitude and reach of ours.
Daniel has given me full negotiation power over the price and I am willing to negotiate should you be able to provide substantial evidence that our valuation is wrong.
Thank you very much for taking the time to consider my proposal, I look forward to doing business with you.
I think it is pretty clear this sale will go ahead, but I don’t want to jinx it, so I won’t spend all my money just yet. Do you think we have got our valuation wrong? Should be increase it? Let us know in the comments below.
(If you liked this letter, check out our Fiverr page and get us to write one for you!).